Anaconda’s

Did you hear the one about the Anaconda that was eating the mother-in-law’s chooks?

We have all got an entertaining story or two about our mother or father in law so I thought it would be a good opportunity to hear some of our customer’s stories and have a few laughs. Gladfield is offering a free fishing trip all expenses paid here in New Zealand for the best story from one of our customers. Yes, all expenses paid so if you live in Australia the U.S. or any one of a number of other countries that we supply malt to then we will fly you to the great Kiwi fish pond for an amazingly good time on Gabi and myself! Just send me your story to be into win.

My story

I’ve always considered my self lucky because my mother and father-in-law live on the other side of the world and I can’t understand a word they say, and they can’t understand a word I say. A match made in heaven!? Not really, the more I learn about Gabi’s parents, the more I wish I could speak Portuguese. If you think Gabi is a bit like Steve Irwin, then Gabi’s parents are Tarzan and Jane!

Gabi’s dad is built like a brick outhouse and is as black as the ace of spades from never wearing a shirt in his life. He made pocket money as a kid milking venom from poisonous snakes to sell to the local hospital for anti-venom! He carries an 18-inch knife tucked under his trouser belt where ever he goes. He has pretty much spent his whole life in the bush or on horseback. Gabi’s Mum (Margarete) has a little more finesse with a degree in tourism with first class honours; she used to run her own tourist business before retiring, with over 150 guests through her business each day.

Part of the attraction was feeding her patrons traditional home cooked Ranch food. For this, she had among other things a flock of over 200 free range chooks. She became exasperated one day at the apparent lack of ability of her chickens to breed fast enough to keep up with her customer’s appetite.

One day she noticed a chock disappearing into the fish pond. (This fish pond was her third biggest tourist attraction second to the amazing waterfall her guests swam under which happened to feed into the fish pond and third to her amazing traditional Brazilian food. All the guest’s small children were entertained by fishing around the pond while their parents spent up large at Margaret’s cocktail bar and restaurant.)

It suddenly dawned on Margaret that she not only had a thief in her fish pond but a rather large health and safety problem. (Some of the guests’ children were not much larger than a good-sized chook) Always stand next to someone smaller when travelling in Brazil it doubles your life expectancy!

Not wanting to make a fuss and frighten any of her staff or patrons and with Gabi’s father at another ranch nearly 5 hrs drive away, Margarete quietly waited until the end of the day when everyone had gone home, she waded into the fish pond and wrestled the 10 foot long Anaconda into submission dragged it out and took it to the other end of the Ranch 4 miles away and let it goes in the bush. (Anacondas are protected in Brazil!)

Needless to say, I don’t mess with my mother in law and I don’t swim anywhere on Gabi’s family Ranch! I was always in awe of how Gabi and her brother played and swam in their rivers without any fear as children, her answer was a safety pin that their grandfather told them to wear in there swimming togs, if they got attacked by an Anaconda then just shove the pin into its eye, so simple why didn’t I think of that!

I’m going to stick to making the world’s best pure malt right here in Canterbury, New Zealand, a dam sight safer I reckon even if we do get the odd earthquake now and then.

I am looking forward to hearing some of your stories about your in-laws and even more to take some lucky person fishing with Gladfield! So, get your pen to paper now and send me a line, you’ve got to be in to win and thanks for using Gladfield, world’s best pure malt now with Yeast and a full range of brewing aids.

Best Regards,
Doug Michael
Director and Maltster
Gladfield Malt